I know in this day and age of warehouse clubs, it’s not all that unusual for people to buy things in bulk. And while it’s not as common as buying paper towels or granola bars by the case, plenty of people purchase wine or beer by the case. But let me ask you this. Is it normal to buy margarita mix by the case?
What you see right there is a party in box. Or more specifically, what it takes to make my husband the life of a party (in a box). Have you ever met my husband at a party or, really, in any social setting where adult beverages were involved? If so, you’ve probably met Margarita Mike. And Margarita Mike is A LOT of fun.
Friends, Margarita Mike is in danger of extinction. Okay, so not exactly. But the juice that powers Margarita Mike is. Two things are at play here. Number one, margaritas are Mike’s preferred adult beverage. He doesn’t drink beer or wine. He’s not a gin and tonic guy, not a whiskey-sipper. It’s tequila, limes and sugar that make him happy. Number two, he has a preferred delivery of said tequila in a very specific brand of mixer: 1800 Ultimate Margarita Mix.
It comes in a big TetraPack, like a grown-up version of a juice box that just needs tequila. It’s good, it doesn’t contain food coloring or corn syrup, it’s fairly cheap, and it will knock you off your donkey if have more than two (you mix it 1:1 with tequila). So much value in such a little bottle, right?
Apparently not everyone thinks so, because last week Margarita Mike received the sad news: his beloved 1800 is being discontinued. Yes, his margarita mix is going the way of the Today sponge.
Our local adult beverage purveyor took pity on him and managed to find him a case of it from his sales rep. Mike is on a city-wide hunt that would make Elaine Benes proud, trying to buy up every last bottle in central Indiana. But he must take into account this dire shortage and judge every single social situation on its merit … is it sponge margarita-worthy? Now he has to reevaluate his whole drinking process! He has to conserve the 1800!
In the future, if you see a dejected Mike nursing a glass half-empty with Coke, give the man a hug. Maybe even offer to buy him a sub-par margarita. But if you see him smiling, with his favorite plastic cup full of margarita? Pat yourself on the back! You are margarita-worthy!
I am so sad for him. We might need to have a funeral when he crushes that last box….
It will probably coincide with your going-away party … just a big ol’ cry-in-your-beer-and-margarita sob fest.
Sometimes guys need to get knocked off their donkey! Is that like cow tippin’?
This made me laugh out loud. Poor Mike. I’d be lost without margaritas, too (although I’m not brand loyal).
Well, I’d introduce you to this brand, but that would just be cruel.
You lost me at “he doesn’t drink beer”. What?!
I know, right?! One of my favorite party tricks is for him to order a margarita and me to order craft beer. They bring the margarita out in the biggest, girliest glass possible and set it front of me. And I’m all like, “NO.”
I think this demands an all-out national search for Margarita Mike Juice. I’ll check in Lexington and Richmond, KY for this magical elixir & let you know what I find. Anyone else out there who can help this man?
Aww … you’re so sweet, Lori! Probably because you knew him back when he was Zima/Boone’s Farm Mike. You know what a party treasure he is!
Hey!!
David sent me a link to your SIO article -finally- congratulations! I had no idea you did this sort of writing. I am always the last to know.
We miss you two so much. I keep telling Dave we should all take a vacation together somewhere. Life keeps moving on you know? And I can’t believe how big the kids are, has it really been that long already?!
Anyway, the article led me here and I love your blog. You always did make me laugh.
Tell Mike sorry about the margaritas. Guess he will have to stick to tequila tonics and shots until an 1800 worthy moment comes along. I heard there will be no WSOP trip this year, so maybe we can plan something soon? Glad you are all well.
XO – Crystal
What a fun surprise to see you here! We miss you too! He can always revert to red bull and vodka, but Red Bull Mike is not as much fun to deal with at 2 a.m. as sleeps-like-a-baby Margarita Mike.
I, too, like Mike, am VERY picky about my margaritas…. anything other than this exact mix is just kool-aid or cough syrup! I have tried to make my last 24 packages last….. and I’m starting to ration them. Please say if you find an equivalent replacement!
We’re on it! It will be a tough job testing replacements, but someone has to do it.