I’m about to find myself in an unusual position, both literally and figuratively. This Thursday I’m having outpatient surgery. It’s nothing crazy, and it’s lady bits-related so I’ll spare you the details. (You’re welcome, Dad.) But it does feel odd to know I’ll need some taking care of for a day or two after.
As a mom, I’m used to being the caregiver. The puke cleaner-upper, the cool washcloth-holder upon the feverish head, the band-aid applier. I know I’ll be in good hands, but I’m still spending more energy than necessary fretting about how to make the 24-48 hours I’ll be out of commission easier on everyone around me. What meals can I make ahead? I should pre-pack the rest of the lunches for the week. Have all necessary rides and arrangements been attended to? I must clean the house before I go in, make sure all the laundry is caught up. I realize it’s a bit crazy, but it’s my crazy and I’m prepared to fess up to it.
Do you want to know what’s even crazier? I put off having this surgery because I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone. Because I was concerned about the cost. I can say this out loud, and realize it makes no sense, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t hold fast to my stubbornness. Thankfully I have a husband and a gynecologist who refuse to put up with my donkey-like tendencies.
I would never in a million years push back a medical procedure one of my kids needed because it might put me out a little bit. If something was bothering Mike physically, I would never dream of saying, “Hmmm … that’s going to cost us a chunk of change to get that taken care of. Can you maybe just live with it?” But when it comes to my own personal care, that martyr-like voice in my head told me just those things. Do you know that voice, too? The one that tells you to suck it up, to pull your weight (and then some), that everyone else is more important than you?
Well, I’m here to tell you, that voice lies. Don’t listen to it. Do what you need to do. You are important enough to make time for that dental cleaning, the physical, they eyeglasses you can actually see out of, the mammogram. Just because you’re the chief caregiver in your family doesn’t mean your physical and emotional needs come last. See how I’m giving myself a pep talk, and pretending you’re the one who needs to hear it?
Hopefully all will go well, and I’ll earn myself some R&R with some good drugs and even better books. It will give my little family, who I often exasperate with my inability to just sit down and R-E-L-A-X, a chance to care for me. So do me a favor. If there’s something you’ve been putting off, some aspect of your own self-care that you’ve put on the back burner, move it to the top of your list. I know your list is long, and there are lots of other people counting on you. The thing is, they’re counting on you to be your best, healthiest self. They’re counting on you being around for awhile.
You deserve to be first sometimes.
Stop picking yourself last. YES.
If only it were as easy to make that a habit and it is to fall into the habit of putting ourselves at the very bottom of the priority list. Because, you’re so very right: we’d never say to another family member “just do without for a while, okay?” when they needed care. We wouldn’t.
Which makes us awesome moms and wives and partners, but kinda terrible at self care. Good for you for taking care of you!
Hope things go well on Thursday!
LOVE this. I am the worst at all of the above – doctor’s appointments, dental cleanings, etc. I went to get my hair cut last night for the first time in over a year. I only really did it because I was scheduling an appointment for Anna. I’m the worst at buying essentials for myself. I can remember my mom having holes in her tennis shoes and wondering why she wouldn’t buy new ones. Now, I AM the mom with holes in my tennis shoes. Why do we do this?!
After the haircut, I decided to do a few other things this week that I had been putting off. It’s time to be a grown up and take care of my own needs. Sheesh. Like you, my family is happy to help. I don’t know where my martyrdom creeps in.
Thanks for ringing out what I had already heard last week in my heart. 🙂 I appreciate your voice.
Good for you! Martyrs unite! And then immediately convince each other of the error of our ways and disband!