There are two activities one should never mix: skateboarding and nudity. You might think this to be common knowledge, but then you've never met my son. The boy loves being naked and the boy loves his skateboard. The skateboard is usually outside, but in an attempt to coax a very stubborn boy in the house at dinnertime, I allowed the skateboard inside. At some point after dinner, the clothes came off (his, not mine), and naked skateboarding commenced.
Me: Son, I'd put some underwear on if you want to skateboard. If you fall down you might hurt your penis.
A few minutes pass. Son inevitably wipes out and – you guessed it – hurts his penis.
Son, sobbing: Mamaaaaa! I hurt mah penis!
Me: I'm sorry, buddy. Come here, mama'll give you a hug.
Son, still sobbing: No hug. Kiss my penis!
Trying to stifle a snicker, I come up with a suitable alternative. I blow a kiss in the general direction of boy's crotch.
Son, no longer crying but now outraged by my wanton disregard for his request: Don't blow me! Kiss it!
And that, my friends, is why you should never skateboard naked. Not for the possibility of injury (though let's not overlook the potential for disaster in that regard). No, you refrain because one day your mother will write about it on the internet. You'll forget all about it until the day you bring home a girl a little too skanky for your mother's liking. Your sweet mother will wrap an arm around that girl's bare, tattooed shoulder and say, "Let me show you a little something in my archives . . . "